Funny Quotes About MONEY

Oscar Wilde: "When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is."
Mark Twain: "October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February."
Robert Orben: "Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
Sophie Tucker: "I've been rich and I've been poor: Rich is better."
JP Getty: "If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem."
Morton Shulman: "To make a million, start with $2.000,000."
Errol Flynn: "If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I'm prepared to forget it if they are."
Brendon Francis: "The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."

 

 

 

The population of Macedonia is 2.050.000

450.000 are retired.
That leaves 1.600.000 to do the work.
There are 500.000 in school, which leaves 1.100.000 to do the work.
Of this there are 100.000 employed by the government, leaving 1.000.000 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 100,000 people in hospitals and also, with the last activities of the new government there are 200.000 people in prisons, which leaves only 700.000 to do the work.
But 699.999 of them are unemployed.
That leaves just ONE to do the work.
That’s YOU (if you're Macedonian).
And you're sitting at your computer reading my jokes...

 

 

Top ten reasons for being Macedonian

1. You have to persue that your state exists.
2. You have to persue that your language is not Bulgarian or Serbian.
3. You have to persue that you are a descendant of Alexander the Great and piss off the Greeks.
4. You can sing Partisan songs about Tito and epic songs about Goce Delcev.
5. You get to be researched by foreign sociologists interested in your identity.
6. You don't have to work even when you have to work, because you don’t have a work.
7. You get to be cosmopolitan and spit on all the nationalists.
8. You can smuggle cigarettes to West Europe and live like a king.
9. You are the only country in the world with two names and two flags.
10. Your country has the best climate conditions for producing of tomatoes (and still your country imports tomatoes).

 

 

I tricked him

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling: "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied: "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree."
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
"OOOOhhhh", said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling: "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked: "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied: "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is..."
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said: "Wait Mommy! I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today."

 

 

 

I'm thirsty

His father sends a small boy to bed.
Five minutes later... "Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"
Five minutes later: "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?

 

 

Doesn't matter!

A blonde comes to a hotel in Toronto. Receptionist asks:
R: First name?
B: Isabel!
R: Last name?
B: Mitchell!
R: Sex?
B: Twice a day!
R: No, no, no! Male or female?

B: Doesn't matter!

Giving a lecture

After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 am?", said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture.", the man said.
And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?", the cop asked.
"My wife!!!" said the man.